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About Lynn Terry
I'm best known online for my Internet Marketing Blog and my Low Carb Diet blog (where I also talk about my fun travel adventures). But there is SO much more to me than work, food & travel. Which is why we're here. ;-) So let your hair down and let's have some REAL fun! *cheers*
7 Responses to “Feelings & Emotions”
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Hi Lynn, so good to see your pretty smile again!
)))
Yes I agree – we can intentionally decide how we will react to something unpleasant, if we will. It’s not easy, and I’m not sure it gets any easier as we get older either. But we have to consciously make that decision to take control of our emotions.
So instead of letting life knock us to our knees, we can use things like this as a stepping stone to stand taller and be stronger so we’re not so vulnerable next time. I’ve had to practice this a lot lately and, I admit, it’s very hard. But if these times don’t serve a purpose, then we’re just … wimpy punching bags for life.
It’s taken me a lot of years to realize we’re a lot stronger than we think we are. Sometimes we just need to be reminded of what we CAN do if we put our minds to it.
Sherie
Great points! The upside to every *horrible* thing that has happened to me this year… is that it is all forcing me in a good direction. Positive changes are being made that probably wouldn’t have been otherwise. You know how hard it is to make BIG change when you’re “complacent” or comfortable. Getting UNcomfortable (never by choice, right?!) can – ultimately – be a good thing.
How would you regard this year if you believed that everything always happens exactly as it’s supposed to?
The feelings you described as “ingrained” – fear, guilt, love etc – I think of as learned responses. We feel because of the way we think, and we think as a result of our basic beliefs about how the world operates (people are basically good OR people are always out to get me; good things always happen to me OR I’m always the unlucky one; life is a series of lessons OR life is for living; you have to struggle and work hard to get anywhere OR everything just falls in my lap; if it feels good, it’s good OR if it feels good, it must be bad for me )
When we’re feeling something strongly, we can usually identify the immediate thought that created it and the belief behind it and we can take control of the feeling by a) rethinking the immediate thought and b) demonstrating to ourselves that the “core” belief behind it is very unlikely to be an absolute truth, it’s just what we’ve taught ourselves to believe.
About 15 year ago I deliberately chose the belief “everything happens for a reason, and that reason is my ultimate good” and although I no longer believe that ANYTHING “just happens”, it was that conscious belief in the inherent goodness of life that pulled me out of despair when I needed it.
Now I can often identify my emotional state very quickly, examine the thought and change my response – sometimes it takes longer and sometimes I want to stay and wallow in being the victim for a while and finding someone else to blame, even though I know that ultimately it’s all down to me
Great points for thought!
When I referred to ingrained responses I meant natural things like those that make parents protect their children, that stop you from doing dangerous or harmful things, feelings like love, etc.
Granted not everyone’s “moral radar” is on point. LOL.
Fate vs Free Will is a big topic – and one I explore often. I like belief statements too, as a means of reprogramming. We could probably talk for hours on those topics! But I was referring more to how we respond to people and to things that happen around us – outside of our control. Most by those people with the bad radars.
Feelings can be a challenge to deal with sometimes, but I think as some of us mature we figure out how to manage them better, and perhaps even learn how to adjust our feelings where we feel it’s appropriate. Though, often, it’s certainly not easy, and it’s a learned skill.
Years ago I use to react, believing I had no control over my feelings. Then I learned about “framing” and how the power of how something affects you resides within how you perceive that event. This new perspective has literally changed my life and who I am today. I’m able to operate from a place of control, even though I don’t always have control over the things that happen around me or to me. I still have control over how they affect me and how I respond. It’s quite freeing, actually. I can also honestly say I’m a much, much happier person now than when I thought I had no real power within my life.
Last night I happened to be watching an old video of Rue McClanahan accepting an award. In her speech she shared that when she was just starting out as an actress she was told by someone in the industry that she would never be a success because she just wasn’t photogenic. She said when she told this to her mother she said: Oh Rue, don’t you know every kick is a boost? (stated very matter-of-factly).
I thought that was a perfect mantra to carry through life, no matter where you are or what your life is. We all get “kicked” from time to time, but if we figure out how it can be switched into a boost, it literally changes everything, including how we feel about ourselves and our lives.
Good stuff, Chris! I call it the “frame of reference” and we all view things differently, through our own unique perspective – or frame of reference. Getting that really helps you to be a more objective person. Not just toward your environment, but also the people around you. And specifically why they “see” (or feel) things so differently.
Great points! Yes, we are all different and isn’t it great?!
I was raised in a very judgmental and critical environment. Well into adulthood I finally realized that and managed to shake most of it. What struck me along the way is that, yes, it’s very easy to judge or criticize another, but if you put yourself truly in their place, the bottom line is this…
Had we lived the same life they’ve lived to that point, and enjoyed or suffered the things they have, we’d likely be exactly like them, with the same feelings, and we’d have made the same choices and decisions… so how can anyone criticize another. If we haven’t lived their life, we have no right to be critical.
This perspective has made me much more objective and compassionate, even toward people I don’t understand or relate to, and… even those I may disagree with.