Three Closest Friends

Just a quick chat about friends & social life. I’m curious – do you have a “best friend”? Or do you have strong social circles in your local area (yes – OFFline! lol)… ? When I get lonesome I turn on the camera and talk to you. πŸ˜€ Thanks for being part of my circle […]

Just a quick chat about friends & social life. I’m curious – do you have a “best friend”? Or do you have strong social circles in your local area (yes – OFFline! lol)… ?

When I get lonesome I turn on the camera and talk to you. πŸ˜€

Thanks for being part of my circle of friends! πŸ˜‰

About Lynn Terry

I'm best known online for my Internet Marketing Blog and my Low Carb Diet blog (where I also talk about my fun travel adventures). But there is SO much more to me than work, food & travel. Which is why we're here. ;-) So let your hair down and let's have some REAL fun! *cheers*

31 Responses to “Three Closest Friends”

  1. Kelly March 8, 2012 at 1:42 pm #

    In my teens and twenties, my friendships were all born at work. In my thirties they were born at church. Over the last ten years I’ve definitely build some awesome friendships through my online business.

    I am not a social butterfly type. I do enjoy cards and other games played with small groups though.

    What I’ve noticed about myself is that my friendships are born out of doing something together – a shared interest. Work, ministry, volunteering, business, etc.

    If I wanted to make some new friends, I’d go join some group that’s doing something I would enjoy.

    • Lynn Terry March 8, 2012 at 4:22 pm #

      Good point and good advice. I did join a dart league here for a spell and played in tournaments as well. It was tough because the children were younger, and the nights ultimately clashed with something my daughter took up. But I really enjoyed it – outside of the fact that it took place in a bar, where I really didn’t fit in πŸ˜› lol…

      All said and done, it makes me *really* appreciate the friends I’ve made through my work. Like you. πŸ˜€

  2. Traci Knoppe March 8, 2012 at 1:48 pm #

    Funny – I have been thinking on this same topic just this week. I too moved to small town (almost 7 yrs ago) and everyone is from here. I’m an introvert too and the only acquaintances I have are those we met at church. I have one best friend, who used to live in my town, but she moved an hour away a year or so ago. We talk on the phone, but don’t get together often.

    There are a lot of very nice folks at church. But I guess everyone is really busy, we live 30 mins away from our church, so it’s hard to just get together for coffee or whatever.

    I don’t really live in a subdivision, so while I do have neighbors, they’re not really close enough to chat over the fence.

    So I would say I only have one person I would call a friend, who I can call on no matter what – and everyone else is just an acquaintance.

    • Lynn Terry March 8, 2012 at 4:24 pm #

      I had a best friend that moved away too. We keep in touch when we can, but our lives are so much busier now. I miss the days we had together – a lot. πŸ™‚

      “I guess everyone is really busy” … I find myself guessing that a lot too. It seems to me that people keep to themselves a lot more than they did in past generations.

  3. Suzy March 8, 2012 at 3:23 pm #

    Hi Lynn,

    What a great thought provoking subject.

    For me closest friends are those friends where we have a strong connection based on self discovery and working on becoming more conscious and support each other on becoming more of who we want to be. Its friends that I know will be honest with me and at the same time support me through the good, the bad and the ugly. And of course I do the same for them.

    So for me it’s not how long we’ve been friends but more about that connection that we feel almost from the get go. The other interesting thing with these friends, is it doesn’t matter how often we talk or see each other. We just pick up from where we left off even if it’s been 6 months or a year since seeing each other.

    • Lynn Terry March 8, 2012 at 4:25 pm #

      Those are the best kinds of friends. πŸ™‚ Where do you meet friends like that locally – through groups, through other friends?

      • Suzy March 9, 2012 at 8:31 am #

        Lynn, for me having close friends is the only way to have some balance in my life. My husband and I work together and we can easily make our work the priority in our life so I’m always working on balance. Given that my business is based on coaching single woman, divorced and over 40, I often hear from them that they don’t feel they have close friends that can support them in their journey and they feel very lonely.

        When I was divorced, a single working mom and overwhelmed, I did make it a priority to develop strong friendships with people where we could support each other through the good times and the hard times. I have typically met my closest friends by getting involved in some form of personal development , self discovery type groups. I have a thirst for meeting people that share this interest.

        Ten years my husband and I moved from California to Mexico. The area we live in attracts people from the States and Canada who are snow birds, sun birds and most are retired. Up until recently the only thing I seemed to have in common with people has been that we are all expats. So my best friend connection was via skype and a few months a year back in California. It was a real struggle for me not to be able to find close friends here even though I had plenty of people that considered themselves my friends. Finally some spiritual groups have begun to form here and I’m meeting some amazing people and developing some close relationships and I’m now a happy camper.

        I know it takes work and energy to find close friends, but I have found as I get older, my close friendships are even more important and meaningful than they were when I was younger.

        • Lynn Terry March 10, 2012 at 8:52 am #

          I agree, I am finding that as well. Thanks for the detailed reply. It seems we all struggle with this at some point, for different reasons.

          I do wish I lived in a larger area that offered more in the way of social groups and things to do. In this small town in the bible belt, the closest thing we have to spiritual groups are southern churches.

          I went to a Bible Study group awhile back, as that’s a topic I *really* enjoy, but I ended up getting yelled at (yes YELLED at lol) for asking questions. I continued going a few more times after that, but the tension was just too much – and counterproductive to what I was actually looking for. πŸ˜›

          Onward and upward, hey! πŸ™‚

  4. Casey March 8, 2012 at 3:51 pm #

    I have been thinking about this topic recently too Lynn so thanks for talking about it πŸ™‚

    At my age most of my friends are busy having families and they make lots of new friends through mother’s groups and their children’s activities.

    My friends and I are still close but there is definitely a divide as I have no children and don’t plan on having any so I often find myself wondering where am I going to make new friends?

    As I work from home also, this year I have been making a concerted effort to try new hobbies, or do things I’ve always wanted to do in an attempt to grow my circle.

    We’ll see how it goes πŸ™‚

    • Lynn Terry March 8, 2012 at 4:29 pm #

      Do you live in a place that offers a lot in the way of things to do and places to meet cool people? I often wish I had bought a home in Chattanooga, TN instead of here – simply because it’s more my speed people-wise. And there’s tons more to do!

      I can relate to that disconnect. I had my children very young, and so I was home with my family while others my age were out “growing up” (dating, going to college, starting careers, etc).

      I would love to hear what kind of hobbies or new things you might like to try, if you care to share. πŸ™‚ I tried things like a gym membership and local aerobics classes, which were fun – but everyone just kept to themselves there too.

      • Casey March 9, 2012 at 5:57 pm #

        My city has a population of about 100,000.

        It does have some stuff I can try, a larger city would be better though as I always find people are still stuck in their little cliques and not willing to venture out of them.

        I started taking a burlesque dance class which is heaps of fun and I’m about to start a martial arts class which I’m a bit scared of lol

        I’m also investigating music lessons and another dance class.

        It should be an interesting year if nothing else :p

        • Lynn Terry March 10, 2012 at 8:58 am #

          Dance sounds like fun! There are salsa classes and many others in the nearest bigger cities – each close to an hour away – but something I’ve been seriously considering. πŸ˜€

          Here’s to a fun & interesting year! *cheers*

  5. Bridget March 8, 2012 at 5:02 pm #

    I have always had trouble developing friendships and I am a little wary about letting people in. We live in the country and have been here for 6 years and I don’t know any of my neighbors. When my children were young I was too busy to really care about having close friends, but now I am older I am wishing I had taken the time to develop some friendships. I only had a few friends when I was a child and we are not really friends anymore. (except on Facebook) I think it is really hard for introverts to reach out and one of my personal goals is to push myself out of my comfort zone.

    • Lynn Terry March 8, 2012 at 5:18 pm #

      I can relate to those points, Bridget. I’m wary too. Especially after being *really* proactive about it for a couple years and finding that people are not always as nice as you expect them to be. πŸ˜›

      I wish we lived closer. But an hour or so is not really that bad. We need to make it a point to get together more. πŸ˜‰

      • Bridget March 11, 2012 at 5:49 pm #

        I totally agree, would Love to spend more time together, we could even find a half way point

        • Lynn Terry March 12, 2012 at 8:28 am #

          Manchester is good for lunch sometime. It’s halfway. But it’s almost Spring and we’ll have to do that photography trip when things get a little greener. πŸ˜‰

  6. Bernita March 8, 2012 at 11:56 pm #

    Lynn it’s funny you bring this up because it is a subject that has been plaguing me for a while now. I live in a metropolitan area and while there are tons of things to do making friends is still difficult.

    I moved to California 26 yrs ago and had some social out lets on and off from work but nothing that grew into close friendships. When my children were in school I was real active at their school and there was a group of us women who would get together socially which lasted up until our kids were out of school after that nothing…weird!

    I had became close friends with a woman for a good 10 yrs her son is best friends with my son since kindergarten they’re 23 now. A couple yrs ago that friendship came to an end and to this day I’m not really sure what happened.

    It is lonely, I’m 49 and single. My son’s are grown and I am carving out a new chapter in my life which currently has no local friends. It makes me even more grateful for the ones I have online and in different parts of the country..

    • Lynn Terry March 9, 2012 at 6:43 am #

      It plagues me too, probably more than I was comfortable saying. I lost two really close long-term friends over the last decade or so, and like you have no idea what really happened there.

      I really thought it had more to do with where I live, and how things just “are” in this area, but perhaps it’s more to do with our generation.

      Surely there are people out there like us looking for the same thing. People we would have a lot in common with and enjoy spending time with. In our local areas even…

      The closest I have come is a business-related group of people that I really enjoy getting together with, and we lunch a few times a year. It’s a two hour round trip for me to meet them for a meal, but it’s SO worth it. Still, they’re mainly work peers and that’s usually the topic of conversation. Which is great! But I do miss those deeper connections.

  7. Val March 9, 2012 at 6:01 am #

    Funny, I thought I was probably the only one who struggled with the issue of friends, but it sounds like I’m not alone. Like you Lynn, most of the time it’s a non-issue. I’m busy with work I enjoy and I share my life with someone wonderful. My Mom and sister are my best long-distance phone and Skype friends, so my life is full and happy. The only thing I don’t have are close friends locally that I would call up for a spontaneous fun event or to vent about family issues.

    I think it’s mostly a function of time and priorities for me. Even though I am a little shy, I live in a wonderful community and think I could make some close friends if I allowed myself the time. That’s one of the reasons I’m still pursuing this career that gives me the “lifestyle” I desire.

    As for ways to make friends… an acquaintance recently told a story about how she had posted signs at her community clubhouse to start a training group for a 5K event. She said that’s where she made some wonderful friendships.

    Lynn, why is it you wouldn’t consider moving to or near a larger city at this stage?

    • Lynn Terry March 9, 2012 at 6:49 am #

      And I thought it was just ME πŸ˜‰

      I moved here 8 years ago to take care of my grandmother, which I did for two years around the clock. During that time the children got settled into the school system here.

      Prior to that we had moved around a lot, home schooled some due to my son’s health issues, and it was nice to see the kids really settling in and making true friendships.

      Once my grandmother passed, I just couldn’t pick up and move again and tear them away from all that. I didn’t want them to end up like me – with no “roots”. So I decided to buy a home and stick it out here and let them graduate with the friends they were making. Besides it was high time I “make home” and settle down. And so I did.

      They both hate it here. My son left at first opportunity and my daughter can’t wait to get out of this town. So much for trying to do the right thing by my children. πŸ™‚

      Chattanooga, which would have been my top pick, probably would have been better for all three of us. But I read & heard that the school system was not ideal. It’s hard as a parent – you never known if you’re making the right decision.

      So I travel a lot. And I travel with the kids, and we’ve made the most of it….

      • Val March 9, 2012 at 10:46 am #

        It’s incredible what you were able to do for your grandmother. You can’t ever know how different, in good or bad ways, your life would be had you made the decision to go to Chattanooga. It’s not as if the option is off the table forever. As we all well know, nothing ever stays the same. πŸ™‚

        • Lynn Terry March 10, 2012 at 8:56 am #

          I’m so glad I had that opportunity…

          And you’re right. I remind myself that all the time. It won’t be long now before I’ll be an empty nester, and free to go wherever I please. Though my goal when I “settled down” (finally lol) was to make a home so the kids would always have somewhere to come home to.

          But I am home for them, wherever I am. And I don’t see myself staying here many more years…

          • Val March 10, 2012 at 10:43 am #

            Yeah, home always ends up being about the people we love and not the house. Besides, your kids will want you to move close to them after they’ve settled down!

          • Lynn Terry March 12, 2012 at 8:27 am #

            All true. Who knows what cool options will open up in the future! πŸ˜‰

  8. Gary March 9, 2012 at 9:44 am #

    Hey Lynn,

    You bring up a most interesting topic. I have heard that it’s a small community thingy but then again I have heard that it is not. I have heard that it is something that women relate to more so then men. Also that you can’t address this issue online because people online are looking for relationships NOT friendships. : (

    Anyway we have an online/offline group in our area that was started in our community because of a concern that people did not find us as welcoming as we (Islanders) might be to new ones wanting to move here. (kinda how do we break into the friends circle.)

    It has proved to be an interesting exercise with over 650 people joining the Facebook page so far.

    All sorts of offline events have been organized over the past year. sub groups (interest) have evolved and friendships forged as the result of this online group being set up known as the “Islanders by Choice Alliance”.

    http://peislanderbychoice.com/

    I also ran across a lady in Manitoba, Canada who has started a new site designed to promote offline friendships.

    http://www.friendmatch.ca.ca

    I hope you are having an AWESOME day with your BEST friend!

    smiles πŸ™‚

    p.s. We do (just not me) play cards. Lots of kitchen and card parties on the Island on almost any night of the year.

  9. Gary March 9, 2012 at 9:53 am #

    Ooops!

    Should have been http://www.friendmatch.ca

    • Lynn Terry March 10, 2012 at 8:54 am #

      How cool is that! πŸ˜€ Sounds like an awesome place to live! I like the friendmatch idea, very smart. There’s a singles group that does cool activities somewhere here in middle TN that I keep meaning to look into. It’s nothing to do with meeting people, and just a “fun stuff to do” kind of group from what I understand. MeetUp.com is also a good site to find local get togethers on all sorts of topics…

  10. Loretta March 17, 2012 at 9:32 pm #

    I have good friends back home in Pittsburgh that I adore like family. We used to get together and play cards and hang out at least once a week… now we see each other once a year – if even that sometimes.

    I don’t really have any local friends since we moved to Virginia…. Debra lives nearby and I actually met her at Clicknewz and didn’t see here “in person” until we both went to NAMS back in August! I’m a horrible friend “in real life,” I don’t call, I don’t write, but I’ll come comment on people’s blogs…. I should REALLY work on that and get out more often.

    I always thought it would be cool to live in one of those block party type neighborhoods where everyone is all friendly and there’s pie and ice cream… but, then I remember that I’m way too antisocial for all that!

    • Lynn Terry March 18, 2012 at 4:50 pm #

      I think that describes me too, in a lot of ways. I was thinking about that a week or so ago when this whole “friends” thing was on my mind so heavy. Specifically that I’m not that great at keeping up or answering the phone anyway, lol. Bad on me!

      I have my days (phases even) when I’m lonesome, but for the most part LOVE my life just the way it is. πŸ˜‰

  11. Isobel April 27, 2012 at 2:25 pm #

    I was pretty reclusive when I lived in the UK – even when I lived in London. I moved to a small city in Israel just over 2 years ago and I’ve never had so many good friends πŸ™‚

    I joined a small group of Anglos (Brits, Americans and South Africans) to get to know people here and although most are a lot older than I am, through them I’ve met other people. My friends now range from 30 to 65 in age, some single and some married/in relationships. Some of us are closer than others of course but we all get along really well and have fun together.

    We have a variety of social events, some of which I arrange. We might go out to dinner, go to the beach, go to live music events, have a movie night in someone’s house or chip in to have a group BBQ and some of us have formed a small book club.

    You definitely have to be more proactive as an adult, especially if you don’t have kids (my sister met most of her friends through their children, for example).

    I made a little “rule” for myself when I moved here – that I would say “yes” as often as possible, even if I didn’t think I would enjoy it I would give it a chance. It’s opened up a whole new world for me πŸ™‚

    • Lynn Terry April 28, 2012 at 11:54 am #

      What a smart idea, Isobel – and that sounds like so much fun!

      I love your “yes objective” – very cool πŸ˜€

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