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Share via E-mailWhat it really means to be ALONE, and some of the situations in my life where that has been particularly hard…
About Lynn Terry
I'm best known online for my Internet Marketing Blog and my Low Carb Diet blog (where I also talk about my fun travel adventures). But there is SO much more to me than work, food & travel. Which is why we're here. ;-) So let your hair down and let's have some REAL fun! *cheers*
27 Responses to “Being ALONE”
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Yes, living alone… sucks. While I have never gone through anywhere as much as you have I remember crying my eyes out at 21 as I gave our family dog back to the people I had bought him from because I had to make a decision of feeding the dog or feeding my son. Since my ex only paid me enough child support so that I could afford a sitter for a week a month so I could work to pay for everything else we needed… not a fun memory.
You started your video talking about Christmas… to this day I gather all our friends and family around me… my immediate family because we live 500 miles from our siblings… but I always invite all of our friends that do not have extended family nearby so that they are not celebrating the holiday alone. Consequently we have had up to 3 dozen people dining with us on Christmas… but I wouldn’t have it any other way!
I only wish that you and your kids lived closer… my door is always open. Not having a relationship with my own brothers and sisters and being so far from my husband’s has made me really value the friendships I have with friends nearby. They have gone through a lot with me, great times like our kids’ weddings and births and very bad times like the death of our son and of their parents… they really are family to us. I wish that you had that in your life… and I hope you remain open to that.
Being “lucky” means so many different things to just as many different people. Our lives shape who we are. Yours has made you into one hell of a wonderful woman that many see as “lucky.” You are an inspiration to many. Most have only seen your successes and now, through your sharing of the backstage events of your life, they will and should be even more proud of what you have become.
You’re a hell of a lady Lynn Terry! I am proud to just be able to listen, watch and learn from you. Thanks for all the sharing you do, in every phase of your life.
Thank you Marge.
I am definitely open to making those types of friendships, and am working very hard at it. It’s been an ongoing mission for the last three years, with limited success so far – but I am not giving up!
At the same time, I am also cutting out negative people and users from my life. Cutting ties with anything negative gives me more room to seek out and enjoy the positives – when I find them…
*cheers*
I’ve been enjoying your videos Lynn and this one makes me think if we ever met I’d have to give you a hug Not in a creepy way, I don’t want to be featured on your next video. lol
It’s funny I’ve been watching you and several other marketers for years only seeing the ‘public’ image and never giving much thought to the personal struggles and challenges behind the scenes. You bring a new light to personal blogging/vlogging and it’s very refreshing.
LOL Brian – thank you.
Lynn,
My heart is aching listening to your video. I can just imagine how you must have felt. And yes, I can also see that it took you all you could to get where you are. Wow, many have much better background and support and never archive that much as they never value it.
You are such a wonderful and special person, an inspiration and much more to so many people and definitely to me – if you ever come to Europe, Germany – I would love to meet you in person.
You’ve gone through a hard time and you came out of it like a glowing star – it’s amazing what you have done. You can be so proud of yourself.
I totally understand about Christmas and yes, as Marge says – the more people, the better. I do have a super small family and Christmas is a reminder that it has been much bigger and then anyone seemed to pass away.
Thanks for being that open in your video – more often than not we always just see the success of the person and not what has brought her there.
Thank you Monja. I am very pleased with what I have accomplished, and I have no regrets about what I’ve been through – as it brought me exactly where I am today. I often wonder what my life would have been like had things been easier. I highly doubt I would have pushed myself as much, or worked as hard as I did. It gives me a deep sense of appreciation for those hard times…
Sheesh your dad is a real piece of work, isn’t he? No wonder you have problems with relationships – and I don’t mean that to sound flip at all! I do believe our relationship with our dad is a huge factor in the relationships we have later on, and although of course we are always free to make different choices, we don’t always know what choices are available to us if we’ve never seen a good relationship up close.
You had a tough life Lynn and you’ve done damn well to be who you are now. You should be very very proud of yourself for the way you’ve brought up your kids and the life you’ve built for all of you, as well as the person you’ve become.
I moved out here to Israel 2.5 years ago, knowing absolutely no one and not even speaking Hebrew! lol Most people thought I was insane – except for my sister
But I did have one rule, which was to say “yes” to anything and everything that wasn’t likely to get me killed! That included going to a social group for some pretty elderly ex-pats, which is something I would never have done in the UK. But through that group I’ve made some great friends of my own age (elderly people have children and grandchildren 
) and there’s now a group of 8 or 10 of us who go out regularly and some of us are very close friends.
So going back to your Dancing Alone video that I’ve just watched, I think you’re doing exactly the right thing by going out and doing what you enjoy – because the people who like the same things as you do are going to be out there too! But don’t forget you can also find friends in the most unlikely and initially unpromising places if you remain open to it
I would also recommend to you (and everyone) a free video about the Sedona Method which is up online until Monday at 10am CST. You don’t even need to opt in, it’s at http://www.learningstrategiesevent.com/lettinggo/ – it really helps you let go of the parts of the past that are no longer serving you, without losing the wisdom and experience you’ve gained from them. Definitely worth an hour of your time (the method is laid out very clearly in the video, you don’t have to buy anything).
And btw – what kind of dentist doesn’t use local anaesthetic for surgery??!! That’s insane!
I did have a local anesthetic, yes – but it was nowhere near enough for the surgery I went through, lol. Ack!
Thanks for the link! And true I don’t have a relationship with my father, but in all fairness I do not blame him. Particularly after the two years I spent taking care of his mother – which gave me great insight into him, and why he is the way he is. And he certainly wasn’t the only influence (or lack of) in my life…
Hey Lynn,
I’ve really been enjoying all of these forthright, honest, and vulnerable videos you’ve been making lately. You’re a strong, courageous, and brave woman. You are a survivor.
I could especially relate to this video. I moved away from home when I was 15 years old (from a farm to the city which was 45 miles away). I homeschooled myself and took care of myself. Over the decades, I’ve made things happen pretty much by myself. I’ve lived in cities for years in which I knew no one (including the city I currently live in) and have no family I can really count on. I know what it’s like to have to take on both the female and male roles and how, especially as you get older, you sometimes wish you could just be…a woman. It’s not even about wanting a man to take care of you; It’s just about wanting a strong energy present to let you know everything will be alright.
Because I never had children, while I can relate to your experiences on some level, I can’t imagine the extent of your hardships. No wonder you’re going through such an introspective time of change. Not only are your children independent (and becoming more so), but the impact of all of your years of struggle is something you can begin to release. It’s hard to do that.
I hope you’re able to find a guy who is wise enough to understand what you have been through and what your needs are and is patient enough to let you get comfortable trusting and relinquishing a bit of control.
Personally, when it comes to being alone, my fear is the future. When you don’t have the foundation of long-time friends or family and you’re older and not as able to as resilient as you once were, or, God forbid, you become sick, what do you do?
This morning, I heard you may be bumping into our mutual friend DH this weekend! I want to meet you, Lynn! I really do hope we get the chance to connect, in some form, at some point.
Thank you for making these videos. It’s comforting to know someone else is working through the same issues and determined to create an awesome future for herself.
Thank you Wendy! It’s definitely a major turning point in my life with the kids growing up and the past well behind me. When things stopped being so difficult a few years ago, I almost didn’t know what to do with myself, lol. I was so used to fighting hard I was pretty much at a loss there for awhile.
I saw DH yesterday, and he made me smile and laugh – like he always does!
*cheers*
I continue to admire your courage in sharing as you do with this video. My family contact is limited to an occasional call with my mom, who tells me all about her but never asks how I am. My only sister stopped calling or visiting years ago and refused my efforts to find out why. My husband’s parents and sister live over 300 miles away, so mostly it’s just us and our cats.
I often get lonely, especially when he’s working long hours, but I have to remember how lucky I really am. Like you, I get to work from home (not making much money now, but I’m improving), I have a great house, and am in pretty good health.
Thanks for kicking me in the butt and making me realize what bad times really are!
Hi Shawn,
Perspective is a good thing. It helps me as well, especially when I’m feeling down or going through a tough time now. All I have to do is remember things I’ve been through in the past, and it reminds me real quick that things are just not that bad in THIS moment.
lol…
Being lonesome is tough. I deal with that a lot (obviously). I’m making big efforts to meet new and interesting people, and make stronger friendships. That will be a lot easier now that the kids are older and I have more free time to spend outside the home of course…
Hey Lynn,
What an amazing story! Obviously, you are a survivor. Good on you!!! I can relate to some degree with your story. Particularly the part about being in hospital after your accident and not being able to recover and get on with life in a relatively short space of time.
However your story has mine beat (hands down). Yes, your recovery has been amazing. You have been amazing in what you have been able to do to get to where you are now.
I simply can’t begin to imagine the spirit, willpower, focus and hard work it has taken for you to overcome your challenges and move forward in your life as well as support your children in the way that you have.
Thanks so much for sharing. (not always easy)
I hope you are having an AWESOME I know what I can do day!
smiles,
p.s. It has been an amazing privilege to watch and listen while you related part one of your heart touching story. I am sure that it will be even more of one to be there for part two.
Thank you Lynn!
Thank you Gary. I really have to give all the credit to my children for my resolve all those years. I don’t know what choices I might have made had they not been there – needing me. I am fortunate and blessed with them both, and grateful to have had them with me to push me to move forward and create a better life – not only for me, but for them.
Wow, what a moving and inspirational story. You are one amazing woman to triumph over the challenges you have had in your life. I too feel like it is such an amazing priviledge to watch and listen to your stories. Remember if you are ever in the Boston area my door is always open.
Thank you Nicole
This was just the video I needed today, Lynn! Thank you.
Well, I now kind of understand why you say that that ten years ago you felt like the sky is falling on you. It was.
And if you ever hear me whine about how this or that is so difficult, you can personally kick me on the butt!
I have plenty of exeperience being alone (I have never married nor do Ihave my own kids and I don’t even remember when I last dated). Still I’m very lucky in that whatever life has thrown at me I have always been welcome to spend my Christmas with my parents and siblings and their family.
Christmas is a tough one. Honestly holidays don’t even phase me personally. What has made them hard is trying to make them enjoyable for the children – with no cousins, grandparents, aunts, uncles etc involved. The television doesn’t help with all it’s images of perfect little families.
We’re not the only ones in this situation. There are many broken families that deal with the same thing. We try to make the best of it. On Father’s Day for example, I have a tradition of taking all the girls out for a fun day – as none of us have father’s involved. They’ve even made me Happy Father’s Day cards some years.
As for the sky, I still keep an eye on it, lol. Some day I will get used to the fact that life is just much easier now.
Hi Lynn,
I appreciate so much your willingness to be transparent enough to share such wonderfully detailed life lessons with us.
You’ve been through the ringer, bless your heart. I admire your strength and courage and feel as though I’ve made a dear friend, and this is just the first video of yours that I’ve seen!
You are a blessing – I’ll certainly stay connected through your sites. I am wishing you all the best.
Take Care,
Carol
Thank you Carol
Lynn, what an awesome woman you are! You deserve every bit of success and happiness – you have earned it. I can relate somewhat to your story. My parents were divorced when I was about 8 or 9 at a time when divorced women were not completely accepted in polite society. My father was a total loser and totally irresponsible. While my mother did receive limited help from her family she really had a tough time of it – raising me and my brother. Like you, she was a very strong, independent woman.
While I am an introvert and have always been a “loner” – and enjoyed doing things alone I realize it is not for everyone. I have been married but never had children.
I would like to offer some advice to Wendy and others who are alone. I am older than dirt, in very poor health and completely alone. All of my family is gone , my few friends have either died or are in nursing homes. Until a year ago I was taking my elderly neighbors grocery shopping and to doctor appointments, etc. Now they are all gone.
My advice: try to make some friends – preferably a few who are younger than you – or at least try to establish some sort of support system.
I agree with Isobel – your father sounds like a piece of work – and he sounds like my father, except he was never around to say No to me. Lynn, you Are such a wonderful woman – a true inspiration to all of us Thanks so much for sharing your story.
Thank you Barbara.
Great advice! I am working hard on creating that personal network in my life. I think moving may be the key for me to actually achieve that, as it just hasn’t been easy where I live. But now that the kids are older I’ll have much more time to focus on adult relationships – and creating those strong friends.
*cheers*
Hey Lynn, Thanks for sharing – some pretty painful stuff. You have a lot to be proud of even if you came from better circumstances. It must have been difficult just to share all that as well.
Thank you Judy – and yes, but while difficult I feel compelled to share my story, as I work through it all myself. Both for the support that I need while “repairing the damage” and to also encourage others who have gone through similar situations.
I’m going through a huge turning point in my life right now, righting some wrongs, making changes to my thought processes, and working on becoming a better and stronger person as I step into my 40′s next summer…
Hey Lynn, this is by far the most inspiring but yet surprising videos I’ve seen yet. You are a very admirable woman who has shown me how perseverance and hard work can go a long way. I appreciate everything you have given to your listeners, viewers, and readers. It helps us keep moving in the right direction in life. So I just hope you continue through life and get what you need and want. Byee
Thank you Joseph.
{{{{Lynn}}} I so wish we lived near each other – I’d give you a hug. Then we’d have coffee.